i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
