Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
