There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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