Will you blow on my dice?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dick very happy bro
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