You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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