Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
