You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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