laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
