So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize