No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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