I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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