How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
