Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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