Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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