I hate your face
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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