in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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