I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
