Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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