Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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