Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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