It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
