but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
