Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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