Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
