i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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