after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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