no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
