I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
