I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
