YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
