Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
