They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
