Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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