Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
