I cockslap morals
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
