my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
