Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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