woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
