my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
