you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
