U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
