i'm signing you up for texting rehab
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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