Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
