Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
