I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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