420 ftw
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
