I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
