Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
