Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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