My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
