I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
