Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The Olympian is in my bed
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