so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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