Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
