I think my vagina is haunted
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
