too bad you live with your parents still
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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