i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
