So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You made out with two different species that night
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
