were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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