They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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