My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
