Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
