Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
