also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
