get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize