she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
